The Random Adventures of Ford and Arthur
by Maelynn Meep
Summary: The random adventures of Ford and Arthur's friendship before the Earth blew up. Sort of a collection of one-shots really.
1. Beginnings

_**The Random Adventures of Ford and Arthur**_

_**Beginnings**_

**1975**

**A**rthur sighed as he walked down the busy London street as the day had not been a good one. He'd been woken up by his particularly obnoxious neighbor Kenny, who was using his karaoke machine to sing a badly off-key version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" at full volume at six in the morning.

On the way to the landlady to complain about this incident, his _other_ neighbor, Bart, chose at that moment to let his terrier out for his morning business. Unlike most normal people, Bart did not walk his terrier. He just opened the door every morning and let the little mutt run down the stairs of the apartment building, through the lobby, and out the revolving door to pee with wild abandon in the four foot by four foot area of grass outside, despite the fact that it was a tripping hazard.

Arthur, for the briefest of moments before he fell, had no clue what hit him. About a millisecond later, with a blurry vision of a black and white little ball of mutt, he gained the clue, shouting, "BART!" as he tumbled down the stairs.

Unfortunately, this led to one of the bigger frivolities of the morning, (before I tell you that, I would like to point out the good things that Arthur experienced due to this happening, and state that Arthur came out of the fall completely unscathed… physically…) which was that at the end of Arthur's fall, where the floor is supposed to seemingly fall upward towards you and cause you physical pain, his landlady, and not the floor, was in his vision.

As stated before, Arthur came out of this incident completely unharmed. His landlady, Mrs. Rickter (who was about as old as her apartment building which had been built in the 1910s), however, came out with a broken collar bone and a wildly upset Arthur who'd agreed to pay the medical bills.

As soon as the ambulance came to collect Mrs. Rickter, Arthur treaded upstairs and back to his apartment. Once he was at the last flight of stairs before his floor, the sound of another off-key song hit him, this time Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody". Arthur groaned mournfully at his forgetfulness.

Arthur, in fact, forgot two things, the first was to complain to the landlady about Kenny's performance and the second was Bart's dog.

The little dog had strode up the stairs to where Arthur was and had sat down, looking up at him, wondering, in its own dog way, if Arthur would cheer up if he saw it.

Arthur didn't.

Instead, trying to muster up what little was left of his sanity; he decided to head back to his apartment. On his first step, he accidently stepped on the tiny tail of Bart's dog.

The dog screamed. Arthur, seeing no other way to solve things, screamed back and backed up instinctively and lost his balance, causing Arthur's second drop down the stairs.

Fortunately, at the end of the stairs, he did not land on the landlady (if he had, he and many others would have marveled at the impossibility considering she was currently at the hospital). Unfortunately, he landed on the land_lord_. Mr. Rickter.

The end result was Mr. Rickter kicking Arthur out, giving him two weeks to, in his words, "pack up his crap and get the hell out".

This left Arthur with the profound need for a drink.

Arthur sighed again, continually walking. He had passed the pub awhile ago, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice. He had officially decided that life in London was not for him and he should buy himself a house as far away from his job as he could bear.

Still strolling, Arthur dully wondered if anyone was having a worse day then him.

----------------------

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ has this to say on the subject of bad days:_

"_Avoid if at all possible."_

_It goes on to say that the worst bad day ever was Ford Prefect's first day on Earth (as transmitted to the _Guide_ offices by Ford Prefect and voted worst bad day by the staff), in which Ford arrived on Earth with almost no forward research and therefore assumed that cars were the dominant species on the planet. In his attempt to communicate with the car (which by a staggering coincidence was, in fact, a _Ford Prefect_), Ford accidently got run over by said automobile. _

_By the time he came to, he was in the hospital, about to go into surgery for the heart murmur he apparently had. Instead of causing a riot by informing the doctors that he, indeed, had two hearts, he simply told them that he'd rather deal with the murmur and that the concussion that he also had, was no problem. This is where he discovered that humans, not cars, were the dominant species and that cars were like spaceships that couldn't fly. _

_Having made this conclusion and stumbling out of the hospital, Ford then decided to hitch a lift to the nearest pub. _

_The ride itself was a disaster. _

_The man who was driving the car apparently had been kicked out of a pub already and was heading to another one to get even more drunk then he was currently. Ford, considering this a good fortune that the man was heading his way, jumped in. _

_This is when he figured out that humans were effected the same way by alcohol as pretty much everything else in the galaxy. _

_The speed of the ride eventually went up to 90 mph, causing Ford to grip anything gripable for dear life. Having not done any research on the planet and the culture of it, Ford had no clue what the norm was for cars on the road speed-wise._

_Only when he frightfully caught a glance at the speedometer and seeing that it read 90 and spotting a sign on the side of the road that said "Speed Limit 45 mph", he determined that the driver was too intoxicated to be the driver for much longer. _

_Voicing his thoughts, Ford said something along the lines of, "Slow down, you bloody idiot, before we crash and die!"_

_The reply back from the driver was lost over the sound of them crashing into a rather large tree, thus resulting in Ford coming to (again) in the ambulance. Ford then informed the people in the ambulance that he had already been to the hospital that day and had been released and then managed to convince the driver that the day had been pretty stressing for them all; Why not go to a pub for some relief?_

_At the pub, Ford searched for the entry on Earth in the _Guide_ and found only the word "Harmless" and thus concluded that, at the very least, the words "Mostly" should be added to the entry._

----------------------

At about twelve in the afternoon, Arthur finally managed to get himself to a pub. He'd been walking for a long period of time and had finally decided that he was quite thirsty. After a while of searching, he'd managed to find one decent-looking pub called the Horse and Groom.

He sat himself down at the bar and said wearily to the barman, "Two pints."

"Of what?" The man asked casually.

"Anything strong."

The barman just shrugged and gave Arthur two pints of a substance that almost never failed: beer. Arthur didn't complain.

About as soon as Arthur started on his first sip, the oddest looking man that Arthur had ever seen strode into the pub. The man came in like he owned the place, sporting a wild grin. He plopped himself down on the stool next to Arthur at the bar.

"'Ey Ford, 'ow are ye?" Asked the bartender.

"Been better." Replied Ford.

"'Ows the actin'?"

"Terrible." Said Ford, taking out a five and handing it to the man. "Two pints."

"Of what?"

"Anything strong."

The oddest feeling of déjà vu hit Arthur, causing him to glance in Ford's direction. Now that Arthur had a better look at him, he wondered what made Ford so odd looking. He was a light-brown curly haired man, with noticeable, yet unnoticeable features and strikingly odd eyes. Even more striking about his eyes was the color; they were a deep and unnatural blue that suddenly reminded Arthur of the Superman comics. Vaguely, he wondered if that was the reason for his being unnerved.

He also noticed that his reason for thinking of Ford as odd looking might have had to do with the fact that Ford was soaked from head to foot.

Feeling brave, he asked. "Is there a reason, you're dripping wet?"

"Yes." Replied Ford, taking his pints and change from the bartender. "I'm not having a very good day."

"Meaning?" Asked Arthur, sipping his own pint.

"Meaning I'm walking down the street to the library, which is about three miles from my apartment, and some wacker drives by at some insane speed, drives right into a puddle and drenches me."

"It rained last night?"

"Yea."

"Funny, didn't notice." Arthur said, now really enjoying his drink. "Why didn't you drive?"

"Don't own a car."

"Why?"

"Had bad experiences with them."

"Hmm."

"Did you drive here?"

"No."

"Do you own a car?"

"Yes."

"Well, why not then?"

Arthur stopped to think about that for a moment. He just shrugged. "Had a bad day."

They drank in silence for a few moments. Arthur was silently doing two things: The first was the most obvious, which was drinking. The second was less obvious, which was processing how easily the conversation had flowed with a complete stranger.

"Did you ever get there?" Asked Arthur suddenly.

"Hmm?" Mumbled Ford, already ahead of Arthur and on his second pint.

"Did you ever get to the library?"

"No." Said Ford, straightening himself back up on the stool.

"Pity." Commented Arthur, going back to his drink.

"Not really." Said Ford, getting up and slapping a tip on the bar. "See you Al." He called to the bartender before drifting out of the pub.

Arthur mourned the loss of Ford's presence. Here, thought Arthur, was somebody finally interesting to talk to. He had no idea why Ford was interesting, but thinking about it too hard only made his head hurt.

Placing his own tip on the bar, Arthur looked down to see a brown satchel where the other man had been sitting. Realizing it must be Ford's he pulled it up and showed it to the bartender.

"He forgot his bag."

The barman looked up. "Yes, he did."

"Will you give it to him, when he comes back in?"

"No sir, it's against my code." Replied the barman with sovereignty.

"What code?" Asked Arthur, slightly awestruck.

"My code that says, 'if you leave it, it's mine'." Said the bartender.

'_Glad I found it before he did, then.'_ Thought Arthur. "Alright," He said. "I guess I'll go find him myself. Do you know where he lives?"

"No, sir."

"Well, you're just being no help at all aren't you?" Arthur said, pulling the bag over his own shoulder and heading out the door.

He heard a polite "Yes, sir." as he left.

Outside, Arthur pitifully looked around for any sign of Ford. Finding none, he shrugged and figured that a man with no car really couldn't get that far and headed in the direction of the only library in the vicinity, for lack of a better lead.

Over the next few hours, Arthur made a rather long walk, which formed a rather long circle. He walked to the library, stopping on the way only to get coffee, stopped in the library to check if Ford was in there (he wasn't), started to walk the way he came, decided that that would be too boring, walked in the opposite direction that still managed to go the same way, stopped for coffee again, and finally ended up at the Horse and Groom again about when it was starting to get dark.

Tiredly, Arthur sat down on a bench just outside the pub and contemplated how most people would be upset if they had walked a ways and still hadn't managed to give the satchel back to the man. Arthur honestly didn't mind, he had nothing else to do. If anything, he minded himself for being so tired.

"Hey!" Called a voice.

Arthur looked up, almost kicking himself when he saw a grinning and lively Ford, walking up to him.

Ford stopped in front of Arthur and said, with the air of a relieved man, "I see you've found my bag."

"Well, yes." Said Arthur stupidly.

"Well, give it here."

Arthur tossed the bag to Ford, who opened it and rummaged about it slightly before deeming it alright. He tossed it over his shoulder, and asked, "Did you look through it?"

The thought had never occurred to Arthur and he said so. "The thought never occurred to me." He noticed Ford's relieved reaction again and added. "Though it may have saved me the trouble of walking in a circle for hours around town."

Ford shrugged. "Not really. It's not like I have a driver's license or anything."

"True." Muttered Arthur. "But where _did_ you go?"

"To the Red Lion."

"Another pub?" Questioned Arthur, awed.

"Yes." Stated Ford. "And then to the Old Brew and after that, Red's Pub, and then, the library, and back here."

Arthur, by now, was getting slightly overwhelmed. "You went to the library?" He stammered.

"Yes." Said Ford, nodding. "To find a copy of _Godspell_. They were out, unfortunately."

"Pity."

"Not really."

They stood/sat in quiet before Ford sat down and started humming something that didn't seem at all familiar to Arthur.

"You know," Started Arthur. "This is one of the few days in my life where I felt a sense of purpose."

This stopped Ford's humming. "To give me my satchel back?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Said Ford and continued humming.

"I guess I don't know what to do now." Finished Arthur, plainly.

Ford stopped humming and seemed to take this statement seriously. He turned to Arthur and grinned suddenly, giving Arthur the impression that Ford was about to go for his neck. "I know what you could do." Said Ford.

"Oh, yes?" Asked Arthur.

Ford blinked, causing Arthur to wonder if he'd ever seen him do that. He stood up and then said simply. "Yes. You should buy me a drink." He pulled Arthur off the bench to a standing position.

Instead of the normal and sarcastic, 'Buy _you_ a drink?' that would come out of most peoples' mouths, Arthur (with the feeling that he'd be seeing this man a lot from now on) merely asked, "Is it always going to be this way with you?"

"Always." Said Ford wickedly, leading Arthur towards the pub, a night of drunken lunacy, and a new friendship.

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**A/N:** _Disclaimer:_ I do not own any rights! If I did I wouldn't be so sad all the time.

A few things, the character of Ford was, indeed, named after a car. This is why the joke, "He found the name 'Ford Prefect' to be nicely inconspicuous" is supposed to be funny. The script for _Godspell_ was one of those carried around in Ford's bag to prove to his friends that he was an out-of-work actor. The Red Lion pub is the bar used in the TV series, while the Horse and Groom was used in the books and... everywhere else. Ford's first day on Earth was taken, slightly, from the movie but also taken from a comment by Douglas Adams (I don't think very highly of the movie, since it was poorly done and makes me cry whenever I see it). Also,I thought that Ford and Arthur meeting in a bar would be extremely obvious and extremely realistic, considering the two of them. Oh, and this is all assuming that the Earth gets blown up in 1980 (Considering in Radio it was '78, in the books it was '79, and in the TV series it was '81). **Note: **I edited this because I'm a huge Queen fan and I know that "Don't Stop Me Now" was written in 1978. Oops. Bohemian Rhapsody was first heard in 1975, so we're okay and accurate now.

Well, this was just fun to write and I'll add more chapters later on the Random Adventures of Ford and Arthur.


	2. A Morning at the Museum

_****__**The Random Adventures of Ford and Arthur**_

_**A Morning at the Museum**_

**A**rthur woke up in what might have been the oddest of positions. Gradually, his eyes came open to reveal a normally unseen sight: the underside of a couch. It certainly wasn't a glamorous underside and it made him wonder… Actually, it hurt his head too much to wonder and he eventually gave up on the idea.

Progressively, he tried to get out from his position only to discover two things: The first being that the couch must have been a tall one to allow such activities like, for instance, somebody sleeping under it. The second was that he couldn't move very far because someone or something was using one of his legs as a pillow and the other as a teddy bear.

Not at all realizing who it was that occupying his legs (though not in the sense that most of the readers are probably thinking of… pervs), he decided that the logical action was to reason with him/her/it.

"Um, excuse me?" He called.

"..." Was the closest thing he got to a reply which was really none at all.

"Hello?" He called again, this time a little bit louder.

"…"

"Well!" Said Arthur, with annoyance, partially because the being wasn't responding and partially because of the overwhelming headache he had from what he assumed was a hangover.

He decided that the correct thing to do was to kick it. So he did.

"Gugh…!" Groaned the being, hanging on to the teddy bear leg tighter.

Finally realizing exactly who this particular being was, Arthur started in surprise, causing him to hit the underside of the couch with his head. Ignoring this, he questioned, "Ford?!"

"…" Replied Ford, not replying.

"Ford!" He said, kicking Ford for the second time.

"Hmmmaaggg…. What?" Roused Ford. Though Arthur couldn't see him, he could bet that the man had not bothered to open his eyes.

"You're cuddling my leg."

"What?" Said Ford, sounding, though only slightly, startled.

"My leg." Stated Arthur, plainly, so that even the probable extremely hung over Ford could understand. "Let go of it please."

"Whaaa….?" Said Ford, shifting. "Oh." Promptly, he let go of Arthur's legs. "Sorry." After a moment of silence he added, "Arthur, you seem to be under a couch."

"So I gathered."

"You might," Said Ford. "consider doing something about that."

"I might." Replied Arthur. "But I've decided that I've nothing better to do, you see."

"Well, that's reasonable." Ford said, standing up and looking around. _'What an odd place to wake up at…'_ He thought.

Arthur suddenly had a thought. "Ford," He called, causing Ford's own train of thought to get completely derailed. "Where the hell are we?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Well, I just suddenly realized that neither you nor I have a couch like this."

"Ah," Said Ford, plainly. "You're right."

"About what?" Asked Arthur, a bit taken aback.

"I don't have a couch like that."

Arthur just shook his head in reply and moved to get up from under the couch. When he finally got out, the sight of a rather dark, large room greeted him along with the sight of Ford looking around with the little light that was coming out of the burning match in his hand.

As his eyes adjusted further to the dark, he realized that the room with filled with random pieces of furniture, art and other items of little significance, set up like a gallery of some sort.

"Why's it so dark in here?" Mumbled Arthur, standing up.

"I assume," Observed Ford, obviously taking this question seriously. He looked up. "it's because the lights are off."

"Oh. And where the hell are we?"

"It appears to be a gallery of some sort." He looked down and studied the couch and then the plaque next to it. "And this appears to be William D. Boyce's couch."

"Who?"

Ford shrugged. "Dunno." He moved to a rather plain looking chair. He squatted and reached under it and retrieved a very familiar item. "And I've just found my satchel underneath-" He interrupted himself to look at the plaque. "Under Francesc Eiximenis' kitchen chair."

"Odd."

"Very."

Together, they took a tour around the large, dark room looking at the odd bits of useless and rather random items, none of which provoked any astonishment or interest of any kind.

"Henri Rol-Tanguy's glasses."

"David Bomberg's vase."

"Shepard Kollock's printing press."

"Gene LeBell's mattress."

"Mattress?"

"Yes."

"Robert C. Turner's goldfish bowl… with goldfish."

"Alive?"

"Not really."

"Douglas Adams' typewriter."

"Who," Started Arthur, stopping. "are these people?"

Ford shrugged again and gave no answer.

"And," Arthur continued. "why are we here?"

Ford looked like he was about to reply when the lights turned on.

The simple action of adding light to the environment caused two things for Arthur and Ford. One was that their headaches returned in full force _with _reinforcements and two was causing their eyes to believe that they were being jabbed with a burning stake by Odysseus.

When they finally stopped screaming, cursing and twitching on the floor, they looked up, abet painfully, to see a rather large, burly, and upset security guard.

"What are you doing here?" The guard demanded.

Arthur sat up and said brightly. "I was wondering the same thing myself."

All Ford said was, "Not too loud, I have a headache."

"What are you doing here?" The guard demanded again.

The two on the floor looked at each other. "Not very bright is he?" Asked Arthur.

Ford stood up, straightened out his blazer and said, very diplomatically and professionally, "We don't know. We just woke up here."

"You randomly woke up in the 'Museum of Underappreciated Persons' and you don't remember what you are doing here?"

"That about sums it up."

"'The Museum of Underappreciated Persons'?" Said Arthur, curious.

"Let me guess." Guessed Ford, sardonically dead pan. "M.U.P for short?"

"This," Explained the guard, spreading his arms as if he were preaching about something glorious. "is a museum dedicated to people that the world doesn't appreciate even though they should."

"That explains why we never heard of these people." Realized Arthur, running a hand through his hair thoughtfully.

The guard looked annoyed at this. He dropped his arms. "The point is that you _should_ have heard of these people."

"But we haven't." Pointed out Ford. "So this museum is really pointless."

"How many people come here each day?" Asked Arthur.

"Well," The guard sputtered, embarrassed. "About… two." He admitted.

"Pointless." Repeated Ford.

Arthur turned to look at Ford. "Oh great, of all the places to break into and sleep in while drunk, we pick the most pointless.

"It certainly sounds like us."

The guard sighed. "This is the first time I've ever had to do this but I'm afraid I'm going to have to kick you two out." And he did.

He grabbed both of them by their jackets and bodily dragged them (Arthur kicking and screaming while Ford just commented on how he'd never come back again with _this_ kind of service) to the door, almost tripping over William Wilson Hudson's coffee table in the process. He pushed them out with such force that they ended up piled on top of one another on the street.

"Hmph!" Shouted Ford to the guard as he stood up and waved a fist at him. The 'hmph' and the fist were both ignored by the guard as he slammed the door.

"I read a book similar to this." Arthur commented, standing up himself and dusting himself off.

"Oh? And how did it end?"

"They got kicked out of the museum."

"Ah."

----------------------

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ has this to say on the subject of Museums:_

_"The most interesting and non-informational or educational museum in the galaxy is the _Museum of Rare Oddities_ on the world of Halpox VI. _

_The government of the Seven Worlds of Halpox, in order to salvage the crashing economy (due to an incident that involved a box of cigars, bubblegum, a few discriminating accountants, Zaphod Beeblebrox and a many rounds of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters) decided that a tourist attraction may help bring in some money until they came up with a real plan._

_The location of their tourist attraction would be the whole of Halpox VI. So, they wiped out all life on the planet, scrapped everything down (ex: houses, buildings, swimming pools, trees) and built the largest and the now-known to be the most interesting museum ever created. _

_Inside, you can see things like the fattest being in the universe (fed 6,487 times daily and takes up a whole football field sized room), the strange and exotic paintings of the Tyolg people, the wildly beautiful multi-colored lights of splendor and dignity, the largest bar in the universe (taking up a fourth of the planet) and various other items."_

_It also points out that there really is no point in going to any other museum as the one of Halpox VI will most likely have all of the items in the, anyways. _

The Encyclopedia Galactica _has this to say on the subject of Museums:_

_"A museum is a building, place, or institution devoted to the acquisition, conservation, study, exhibition, and educational interpretation of objects having scientific, historical, or artistic value."_

_This continues to add to the fact that _the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ sells far better than _the Encyclopedia Galactica.

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**A/N:** _Disclaimer:_ Don't own squat... (sigh)

This chapter is a bit random because I just had an idea and ran with it. It worked out alright. I got the random people by going on Wikipedia and hitting the Random Article button and putting in people that were born a fair time before 1975. I did accidently get Douglas Adams via the button and had to add him.  
I would also like to point out that I described Ford in the first chapter as brown haired and he's supposed to be ginger. When I wrote that piece of the story it was late and I really wasn't thinking straight. But, I was thinking of the David Dixon version as I was writing and since I'm basing my character of Ford off of him (and Arthur based off of Simon Jones - duh), I'm just going to leave it. So that's that.


	3. Transformers

**_The Random Adventures of Ford and Arthur_**

_**Transformers**_

**F**ord was tired of waiting for Arthur. They'd agreed to meet at Ford's apartment at eight. It was currently eight thirty-two and Arthur had yet to show his face. Ford was to order the pizza and Arthur was to bring the beer.

That was most likely the _real_ reason Ford was tired of waiting.

He went to the phone to order the pizza, Arthur or no Arthur.

Arthur appeared at the same time as the pizza. At eight-fifty, Ford answered the door to a hopeful looking pizza man and a disgruntled Arthur, both in conversation.

"I'm not going to be a pizza boy forever." Said the boy to Arthur, not noticing Ford who was staring at them awkwardly. "I'm going to be an actor."

"Oh?" Said Arthur, sounding completely disinterested. He was holding a pile of papers about half a foot thick and two six packs, both looked heavy.

Ignorantly ignoring Arthur's tone, the boy added excitedly. "Yes! On Broadway!"

"Uh huh."

"Arthur!" Said Ford desperately, grabbing Arthur's arm and pulling him in. "Where the hell were you?!"

"Well…"

"Never mind!" Ford interrupted and shoved Arthur in. "How much?" He demanded on the delivery boy.

"T-twelve sixty." Stuttered the boy nervously.

Ford rushed inside, grabbed a ten and a five, rushed back and threw it at the boy. "Keep the change." He grabbed the two pizzas from him.

The boy barely had time to say, "Thank you, sir!" Before Ford slammed the door on him.

"Ford?" Said Arthur, trying to put his load down. The other man rushed up and grabbed the six packs, setting them down on the table in front of the television with the pizzas. "What is the rush about?"

Ford hurriedly plopped himself down on the couch and turned on the TV. "_Casablanca _is on at nine!" He started channel surfing for the right one.

Arthur groaned and sat down next to Ford. "What is with you and that movie?"

"I never get to finish it!" Ford got to the right channel and slowly relaxed. He turned to Arthur. "What are the papers?"

"Paperwork." Explained Arthur. He set down the papers and pulled out a pen from his pocket. "That's why I was late – my boss told me I had to fill these out. When it was his job to do in the first place!"

"Yeah, yeah, very interesting." Said Ford disinterested. "Shush, the movie is on."

Arthur rolled his eyes, grabbed a beer and started working on the stack of papers.

----------------------

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ has this to say on the subject of neighbors:_

"_Neighbors,"_ _it says. "are people or beings who live the immediate vicinity of wherever/whenever it is you live. There are many different kinds of neighbors and the most common are the nosy, pushy, disrespectful, and irritating in everyway kind. _

_Occasionally, there are nicer neighbors, but that is usually only if you live three or more miles away and see them once every two months and then only in passing._

_However, neighbors generally can pull together in a family sort of way whenever there is any sort of tragedy. Through this, neighbors can become friends but this is rare and most times happens if one or the other knew each other before one or the other moved into the neighborhood. _

_The worst neighbors are on the world Naploon Devi. The norm for house separation there is about two centimeters. Due to this, many neighbors there end up fighting over property lines. This includes fighting over weeds, lawn gnomes, trees, and where each person's galactic mega puppy can do its business. _

_The fighting over there had caused so many problems that the planet declared a war against itself. The only problem is that nobody is on the same side. Each one person has declared war against everybody else on the planet. _

_The war(s) is(are) still waging."_

The Guide_ also points out that the article on neighbors is useless due to the fact that hitchhiker's have no permanent point of residence and therefore don't have any neighbors. _

----------------------

Ford was getting excited. The movie was finally almost to the part that he always got interrupted at. He looked at Arthur who was working on the paper work. "Arthur, have you ever seen the whole movie?"

"Yes." Replied Arthur, not looking up. "Including the ending. Want to hear it?"

"No!"

Ford grabbed another beer and stared at the TV excitedly.

Arthur looked up at Ford and rolled his eyes. Ford got excited about many things: beer, ladies, astrophysicists, flying saucers and throughout all of that his fascination with _Casablanca _was by far the weirdest.

He remembered Ford's theory that there _was_ some sort of anomaly in the universe and whatever it was it seemed to affect how Ford never managed to finish one particular movie and always got interrupted at exactly one particular part. When he'd brought the theory to a physicist, the physicist laughed at him and Ford walked away, dubbing it the _Out-to-get-me _theory.

Shrugging the thought off, Arthur tried to focus on the paperwork in front of him.

Next to him, Ford was squirming with anticipation. "Almost there…"

_**BOOM!!!!**_

The power flicked off, taking the TV, the lights and the air conditioning with it.

"NO!!!" Ford jumped up and shook the TV. "It's the _Out-to-get-me!"_ He cried, falling to the ground in despair.

Arthur flinched at the lights going out. Due to this and a burst of wind from an open window caused the papers to be strewn across the room. Most of them ended up covering Ford on the ground.

"AH!!" Shouted Arthur, irritably. He went to gather the papers but halfway through decided it was pointless and threw them on top of Ford with the others.

He sat back down on the couch. "What just happened?"

"Dunno…" Mumbled Ford dejectedly from under the pile of paperwork.

Arthur walked up to the open window and pointed outside at a post. "Wasn't there a transformer there?"

Slowly and a little bit depressed looking, Ford got out from the papers and moved over to Arthur.

"Yeah…" He muttered. "Right there..."

"Where'd it go?"

They turned to look at each other before immediately turning and rushing out the door. On the way down the stairs of the building, Arthur tripped, causing Ford to trip over him and both more or less rolled down to the street.

They hit the street hard. Slowly and painfully, they got out of the dog pile to stand and dust themselves off.

"I assume," Commented Arthur. "that is why parents don't let kids run down the stairs."

"Hmmm…" Ford ignored him and looked around as all of his neighbors from his building and down the street all moved outside to see what was wrong.

Arthur went to look at his car, a broken-down looking Vega hatchback that was parked across the street from where the transformers used to be. It looked untouched.

Shrugging, he turned in time to see an elderly Hispanic woman arguing with Ford.

"Prefect, what did you do this time?!"

Ford gave her the 'innocent' look. "Me?"

"Yes!" She started. "The last time the power went out it was because of you!"

"I didn't know that the generator wasn't water proofed!" He defended himself. He pointed to the post. "And besides, they transformer blew!" He pointed at himself next. "How could I cause that?!"

"I don't know but you did!" She scurried away angrily.

"Yeah, well I missed the last half of _Casablanca_! So we both got punished!" He shouted to her retreating form.

Arthur strode up to him. "Has anyone found the transformer?"

Ford looked around and shook his head. "I doubt it. We'd have heard about it." He turned and looked at Arthur's car. "Huh." He said, making Arthur a little worried. He gestured to it. "Have you checked your car?"

"Yes. It looked fine." Arthur said, carefully.

Ford moved carefully around Arthur's car and stopped, studying it. He contemplated how Betelgeusians actually have several senses that were better than humans'. Due to this Ford had exceptionally better night vision than Arthur and could see clearly what was the matter with Arthur's car.

"What's the matter with my car?" Asked Arthur, trying to figure out what Ford was staring at.

"The hatchback window." Said Ford. "Touch it.

Arthur tried and found that where the window was supposed to be, there was nothing. He leaned inside the hatchback and gasped.

The transformer was inside his car.

Arthur quickly moved out of the car and walked around it, trying to study every detail. There was no dents, no scratches… the only thing to indicate that the transformer had flown in there was that the window was missing and that it was actually in the car.

Ford reached inside and grabbed the transformer. "Hot!" He cried and dropped it back on the seat. Instead, he used his hands to measure it and brought his hands back out and compared it to the hole where the window used to be. "Perfect fit." He told Arthur.

"Odd."

"Very."

Arthur looked at the crowd of Ford's neighbors that were still looking for the transformer and someone to blame (Neither Arthur nor Ford knew that the crowd had already elected Ford for the honor). "Should we tell them?"

"Alright." Ford jumped up on the hood of the Vega. "Neighbors!" He called, drawing the attention of the crowd. They looked at him angrily. "We have found the transformer! It's in Arthur's car!"

They stared at him then at Arthur. "You stole the transformer?!" Someone shouted.

"Uh…" Was the only thing Arthur could think of to say in reply.

"When the thing blew it flew in Arthur's car." Ford explained.

"Oh…" The neighborhood seemed to sigh at once.

"Odd." The same person shouted.

"Very." Replied Arthur and Ford together.

Slowly the crowd dissipated as the neighbors went back to their homes. Ford got off of Arthur's car and started walking down the street.

"Where are you going?" Arthur called after him.

"To rent _Casablanca_!"

Arthur wondered if he should remind Ford that the power was still out.

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**A/N:** _Disclaimer: _I would not be writing fanfiction if I owned anything.

This story is based on something that happened to my dad. He was doing his homework and the transformer blew and ended up in the hatchback of his Vega in exactly the same way described in the story. Interesting. Well, maybe not.  
Reviews would be appreciated... flames would not.


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